What is something you’ve always wanted to do? Look to your bucket list, or the things that you’ve said, “I’ll do that someday,” without ever considering when ‘someday’ may be.
Why haven’t you done it yet?
For me, that was skydiving. Always the thrill-seeker, it’s something that was added to my list of desires very early, and stayed at the top of the stack. For a while, I wasn’t old enough. By the time I turned 18, I was working in an industry that I didn’t want to risk getting hurt for. Situation after situation, it never happened.
Winter quarter at Stanford University. I expected cold, I expected rain, and I expected a crushing quarter. I stuffed my schedule with classes in an attempt to graduate earlier, and have work and a club sport on top of that.
It’s midway through. The courses require a lot of busy work, I run from class to class, then to practice, and have homework to do before crashing into bed for a few hours. Then it starts all over again. But really, it’s not bad, and the days have been absolutely gorgeous.
This is the longest I’ve stayed in the same place for a while. I want to move. As much as I want to be here, I also want to leave. It feels stagnant to focus my energy on taking double integrals in a class I don’t care about, even though I know it’s a step forward in my academic career. It’s not how I want to spend my days.
A week ago I asked Ethan, “do you want to go skydiving?” So we did.
We took a Zipcar and drove to Santa Cruz. We went to the coast, where I stood on the edge of the cliff and wished with all of my heart to jump and fly into the horizon. Then we went to Skydive Surfcity.
Stuffed into the 70+ year old (they made sure to tell us how old it was), tiny plane, I looked out the window. Those few minutes on the way up, I felt adrenaline. It had been a while.
Then you jump, and let gravity cradle you in strong arms. I felt like I could close my eyes and fall forever, although my face says otherwise. Exhilarating, energizing, invigorating.
We stopped by the beach on the way back. Watched the waves crash in, felt the warm sand on my toes and let my thoughts drift away.
A few hours later we were back on campus, and I was running to a math review session.
Days start, wait for your decisions, and end. I want to make choices towards my future. I want to be brave. I want to live more.
Happy Valentine’s Day.